Gym Rat Crewneck

Officially classified as a species.

Every gym has an infestation. This is the field-guide entry. Rattus gymnasius: hypertrophied traps, a lifting belt, a dumbbell in each paw and a tail for balance. Diet: protein, caffeine, carbohydrates. Natural enemies: rest days, cardio, vegetables. Average lifespan: one more set. Most active at dawn and late at night, circles the same equipment and forms colonies known as "the gym community." Recognize the habits? Congratulations. You've been classified.

Eight-ounce heavyweight fleece with ribbed collar, cuffs and waistband, plus a US flag on the sleeve. Roomy classic fit. Freshly printed in the USA.

Take the Joke. Leave the Ego.